Every time I sit down to write I feel vulnerable. You see, I missed lots of school when I was young and my head was everywhere but in class. It was in many other places, sometimes focusing on fear, confusion, concern, sadness. There was so much going on in my household that to focus on anything other than the ongoing problems was impossible. What I now call living in a bubble of limited potential. Because of this, I know grammatically, I make many errors. I write like I talk in general, full of English slang and with little filtering, if any. I always have to send off to a wonderful woman to check my grammar and thank goodness for spell check!
But I write anyway. I do so because I want my journey and unique experiences to be of benefit to others. I live with a satisfying internal peace. There is no more anxiety, there is no more sadness and this fills me with a joy that I want to both embrace and share. I feel so incredibly blessed.
I believe if I were to suddenly filter and second guess my thoughts then I would be less authentic. I would be offering more ego than spirit. I believe I can only benefit from the growth that comes with being vulnerable.
So, with this post I hereby take ownership of my vulnerability! You know what? It feels good! Of course my heart is racing as I do so. The energy that comes with writing such a statement is powerful. Within I experience what I can only describe as nervous excitement.
The distinguishing differences between anxiety and excitement are simply the speed and quality of the breath and the speed and quality of thought. When we are anxious we tend to breathe incorrectly. Breathing in too fast and not really exhaling, often our thoughts are rapid jumping from one worrisome potential to another. These thoughts are what I call asking the ‘what if’ questions, or making the ‘should of’ or urgent ‘must’ statements. It’s easy to forget when we are caught in the cycle that thoughts are empty nothingness; that is until we attach to them.
Right now, as I invite in my experience of vulnerability I appreciate the fine line between fear and excitement. I have chosen excitement. I still have the jitters but I am present. It feels a little outside my comfort zone as by writing I am pushing my boundaries, I am stepping into the unknown. I am knowingly revealing my flaws and inviting in opinions and energy from others. For me to stay in excitement and out of fear I must do one thing. Breathe – mindfully.
This is why practicing yoga, meditation and mantras are so beneficial. When our breath is slow and mindful, when below 8 breaths a minute, it is impossible to feel rage or anger and anxious thoughts dissipate. To achieve such a breath amidst an overwhelming experience requires effort, focus and intention. Then, no longer is our mind anywhere else but in the present moment. The practice of mindful-breathing brings in unison the mind, body and spirit. In these moments we move out of chaos and into the bliss of spirit. It seems there is an art to doing nothing.
What I am learning from this writing experience is that in life when you are humbled; when you are willing to be vulnerable; when you accept you are imperfect; you make space for a whole new wonderful experience not only for yourself, but for others too.
I encourage you to be vulnerable, open and exposed. Whether it’s with actions you want to take, emotions or words you avoid sharing, be vulnerable and take action. The biggest rewards are just on the other side of our comfort zone. Yes you will not please everyone, we rarely can, but you will please most.
It seems to me that we humans have a tendency to wait for others to be vulnerable before we open and share our own vulnerabilities. Consider our most treasured and impactful relationships are shared with those that we go ‘deep’ with. With these treasured beings we are vulnerable; we share; we give.
When we are vulnerable and we share, more often than not, we learn we have more in common than differences, that everyone yearns to be loved and accepted just the way they are. We make space for love, compassion and connection.
So many people exist who hold on to so much within themselves that it weighs them down. Perhaps if we were vulnerable first we would give them the opportunity to lighten their load and we can fill the world with a more joyful and loving energy.
As long as you are breathing you have potential to share wonder. Keep your breath in mind!