I built a fence around my heart to prevent God from entering. I wondered how this was possible with all the Kundalini Yoga and meditation I was practicing, however, it dawned on me how awareness is multi directional and I had lost sight of a few directions that led me to protecting my heart and leaving God on the outside waiting for me to open back up and receive.
You don’t really realize how scared you are of receiving God’s love which comes in many forms and flavors until you meet someone that holds a part of God’s heart and shows you it’s possible and that you’re deserving of receiving the Universe. Though, I realize you have to be willing and believe that what you see before you in another is the exact same reflection of the God space inside yourself.
Like attracts like. Just as the Aquarian sutras says, recognize that the other person is you showing you exactly everything you need to know about yourself. This of course can be scary, it can also be an exciting soul call to learn grow and dance with the beautiful times being offered. It’s not everyday you meet someone that can show you a clear reflection of who you are, love you and inspire you to grow when you feel stuck.
For the last few years, I literally felt like my heart went on a mini hiatus, as though I was Tin Man from Wizard of Oz without a heart. I realize my heart really hadn’t disappeared I just pushed her aside and relied on my mind to control and dictate my spiritual growth and evolution.
I have been denying myself of love. I have closed the door to receive the Universe because I became scared, afraid and vulnerable of the relationship opportunity I was being given to trust. Trust has always been challenging for me. I think this comes from a past life, as I am having trouble shaking it.
For some time at the beginning of my journey, my heart was wide open, ready and willing to receive the Universe. This is because I expected the Universe to comply with me and give me exactly what I wanted to have instead of what was best for me in the long run for my life and my growth mission here on earth. When I realized that God was not interested in serving my ego rather my highest self, the everyday me became resistant, angry, mad, confused and subconsciously decided this game of life wasn’t going to work with an open heart.
One thing I am slowly learning is that God gives you what you need to grow and be your best and that doesn’t always look the way you imagined in your mind. I wasn’t open enough to accept the God inspired visions for me many times and refused it because it didn’t fit my expectation. I have denied God’s love over and over again on my path because I resisted the gifts being offered in the moment. I was a fool then but now, well I am growing past those pains and opening myself back up to love.
My biggest lesson in love is to understand that the Universe has been my teacher, soul mate, lover, friend, partner and ally. He has and continues to wear many hats to help me along my path and to serve me and prepare me to continue to serve her mission. I have realized times aren’t always going to be easy and work out according to my plan but there will always be roses and bumblebees along the path to remind me that I can smell the beauty at all times in my growth process.
Even when we don’t understand the love God is offering or the lessons we are too learn in our life, God is still there loving us and urging us to keep our heart’s wide open because that is where we can begin to clearly feel and understand exactly the course to take.
I will honor my whole love process even the resistance, the pain and the suffering I caused myself because it’s obviously what I needed to do to learn and I accept that. I understand now, pain and God’ love don’t go together in fact they are moons apart.
Our lives are an opportunity of faith to learn to trust the unknowns and mysteries of the Universe and fully embrace the subtle gifts of love that flow through every single event, person, place or situation in our life.
My advice for you and for me. Keep your heart calm. Keep your heart open. Give your mind a rest. Allow yourself to Be with God and love yourself fully throughout the process. When you can do this, you’ll dissolve most of the pain that comes from being in mind and out of touch with God’s big, wide-open, juicy heart.
To keep your heart juicy and open like God’s, try practicing this Kundalini yoga meditation to open the lock of on the heart center.
Sit in easy pose with a straight spine. Bring hands approximately 6-8 inches in front of your face, palms flat and facing one another, fingers pointing towards the ceiling, and with approximately a 6-8 inch space between the palms. Elbows are bent and are relaxed down.
With a very fast, powerful jerk, stretch the hands out until there is about 36 inches between the hands and abruptly stop them there. The stopping process will be so abrupt, done with such a powerful force, that you’ll find the hands, chest, shoulders, and head jerking back and forth a little bit.
Use the Tantric Har chant on Benjamin Forrest’s GOD cd to help you stay in rhythm and movement. Each time you hear a Har, your arms with activate the movement and begin to unlock your heart. Do not chant with the mantra. Practice this movement for 3-11minutes.
To End: Inhale. Hold the breath for 13 seconds, keep doing the motion. Exhale. Inhale again and continue the motion for another 8 seconds. Exhale. Inhale, deeply, continue for another 6 seconds. Relax.
To keep your heart big and wide is an act of trust and a decision to serve your infinity. Decide today where you have locked up and then take the steps with God to clear the pathway to become more open to love.