(Editor’s Note: Break ups are tough. If you’ve gone through a break up in the past, or are going through one now, try this Kundalini Yoga Meditation for Breaking Up and heal your heart.)
Oh the dreaded break up. They are never easy no matter what end of it you are on. It is especially painful because we can let so much of our identity get wrapped up in another person. Now that there is no one else left in the picture you are left picking up the pieces and ﬁguring out who you are as a single person. A break up will immediately bring up feelings of rejection and loneliness. We wonder if we will ever meet another person. Here are some things to look at while going through this tough time:
The ﬁrst reaction people may feel during a break up is denial. There is some hope that the relationship is not over. You may have believed that this person was “the one.” Perhaps in your efforts to justify them as “the one” you overlooked many of the reasons why they are wrong for you. Many times relationships end up going through the motions and we stay in them out of comfort and fear of being alone. Love takes security and support, but don’t confuse this with comfort.
Other ways we go through denial is by escaping into food, alcohol, or even immediately getting into another unhealthy relationship. Denial just allows us to temporarily escape our emotions. Your emotions are not going anywhere and eventually you will have to deal with them. The quicker you deal with them the quicker you can move on.
Be Aware of Your Emotions:
Allow yourself to grieve. It is perfectly natural. Eventually you may start to piece together why this relationship was not right. Perhaps the other person wasn’t upholding their end of the bargain. Maybe only one person was doing all the work to keep the relationship going. Remember that relationships are a continual effort on both parts.
The heart plays a major role in our giving and receiving of love, but it is the spleen that reacts the most during a break up. Energetically, the spleen has to do with deep grief and sadness. During a break up you may feel tension and soreness in this area. There is a great kriya called, “Maintaining the Spleen” in the Owner’s Manual for the Human Body that can be very helpful if you are experiencing this. Practicing this kriya and others can help you get in touch with these feelings.
It is important to remember that a break up doesn’t make you a bad person. This situation may just be the lesson you needed to learn before you meet the right person. Observe your emotions and you may ﬁnd that they stem from somewhere deeper in the past than just this current event. This event may have triggered past feelings from your relationships with your parents around neglect, worthiness, rejection, etc.
When the issues from our past relationships (parents and signiﬁcant others) go unresolved, we attract the same relationships in our lives over and over again. It is important to examine these lessons so that we can transcend them.
The next thing to do is to take responsibility for your part in the relationship. Sure there can be all these reasons why the other person failed in the relationship, but there are lessons you need to learn as well. You were not perfect either. Don’t beat yourself up, but take this as an opportunity for growth.
Throughout the process of a break up it is important to practice self-love. Honor yourself and give it time and space. Be with yourself and don’t try to ﬁll the hole inside yourself with another person. That will only distract you from yourself. Do something special for you. Activities one can do to promote self-love are: meditation, yoga, cooking a healthy meal for yourself, juicing, journaling, walking in nature, etc.
When considering a relationship in the future, it is imperative to never compromise your values. They are not up for negotiation. This can be a scary thing to believe in, but it is better than settling. Settling for a relationship with someone who doesn’t match our caliber is the easy route.
Yogi Bhajan taught that the ultimate elements to a deep relationship are, “Passion, Intimacy, Love.” Never settle for anything less. Being satisﬁed in your relationship with yourself is far more fulﬁlling than being in a toxic relationship with another. In the ﬁshing world they say, “Throw it back into the water.” If a potential relationship doesn’t meet your caliber, “Throw it back,” and the universe will have to accommodate you.
Yogi Bhajan taught an excellent meditation for moving on, turning the page and helping one to not feel abandoned.
Index, pinky and thumbs all pointing out. Interlace middle and ring. Right hand over the left. Hands are over the heart about 4 inches away from the chest. Create a bit of tension and pull the hands apart.
*Eyes are closed and focus on the tip of nose.
*Chant: Gobinda Gobinda Hari Hari for 3-6 minutes
* Then chant: Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung for 11 minutes
For variation, I really like GuruGanesha Singh’s “Ra Ma Da Sa” from Power Mantras. It is very heartfelt and moving. However you will need to fast forward about 2:20 into it to get to the chanting part. There are also some guitar solos in there, so keep chanting through them!