Persistent Happiness “Joyitis”
This disease is very dangerous. No one likes someone who is persistently happy, preferring instead to be around those who form bonds through mutual complaining. Symptoms include smiling, spontaneous laughter, a whole heart, and loving everyone. If you find yourself suffering from Joyitis and want to be gloomy, cut your yoga practice.
Repeated Chanting “Mantraitis”
I wish I could count the number of friend’s I’ve lost to this scary disease. Singing mantras not only sounds weird, but can also cause deep healing of long-time trauma, and who wants to loose residual trauma! We worked hard for that trauma! Definitely hold onto your trauma, prevent healing, and avoid that loosey-goosey feel good effect of chanting by refusing to sing or even listen to any inspiring mantras.
Unusual Flexibility “Gumbyitis”
Flexibility should be outlawed. Rigidity really does make life better, and if you can’t touch your toes or twist your spine you’ll find you feel much more “normal” in your body. Yoga is incredibly efficient at increasing flexibility physically which can lead to dangerous mental flexibility too. You wouldn’t want people to think you can love everyone, now would you? Watch out!
Sustained Youth “Nowrinkleitis”
Nowrinkleitis is very worrisome. There are some who claim that yoga can prevent aging and prolong youth. That’s just unholy. We should all shrivel like prunes at the earliest possibility. Definitely discontinue your yoga if you are finding side effects such as glowing skin, healthy internal organs, increased lung capacity and a youthful appearance.
If you experience any of these conditions, consult your yoga teacher today and tell them….”April Fool’s!” Watch out for spontaneous laughter…it’s a doozy!